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How introverts experience loneliness and how to handle it
If you happen to be an introvert, you would know that being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.
Of course, loneliness implies that an individual is alone - but, crucially, that they are finding this alone time unpleasant and difficult to deal with.
Being lonely is inherently negative but being alone usually recharges introverted individuals - unlike extroverts, who are energized by social interaction.
Integrative psychotherapist Gustavo Camilo tells Four Nine: "My experience as a therapist during both lockdowns showed me that in practical ways, introverts generally coped well as social distancing is often part of their lifestyle."
That's not to say that introverts can't ever be lonely, particularly amid the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic.
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In fact, Camilo explains that some introverts had become "even more isolated and closed" during the lockdowns.
It's a difficult dichotomy to navigate as typically, introverts cherish the times they are able to spend in the absence of people.
For introverts, alone time is a "precious moment to 'digest' their experiences with the external world," Camilo says.
Without this alone time, certain "feelings and emotions may be difficult to process and they easily can feel overwhelmed."
However, the comfort introverts feel when they are alone does pose a risk of loneliness as it makes it all the more difficult to forge and sustain meaningful relationships with people.
Camilo explains: "One of the main issues is that these solitude moments can become a norm and eventually turn into loneliness, which can be detrimental to both mental and physical health. Fear of negative social evaluation can lead to even more introversion and detachment from others as a coping mechanism."
Introverts crave strong bonds with people as much as everyone else, but in a world that appears to be dominated by extroverts, they might be wary of putting themselves out there.
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They may also have fewer people to talk to when they're feeling down, which only serves to exacerbate their loneliness.
Caught between a rock and a hard place, introverts may feel desperately lonely, but, at the same time, are hesitant to seek out relationships, lest they pose a threat to their much-needed alone time.
But the reality is, if loneliness is starting to affect your mental health as an introvert, it's time to start initiating meet-ups, re-connecting with people, and making new friends.
Of course, you should aim to be selective when it comes to who you spend your time with - that is, spend more time with those who are understanding of your need for space.
Camilo tells us that his therapeutic work with introverts involved "stimulating" them to "nurture their social connections that felt safe and familiar."
For their own benefit, it's important that introverts set boundaries in their friendships and are able to be open and honest about their need for alone time. That way, reaching out to old friends, or perhaps even making new ones, won't backfire on them. Introverts should be able to meet up with their pals for short periods at a time without feeling pressured to stay longer than they feel comfortable with.
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It's vital that you, as an introvert, stop feeling guilty about being a "Debbie Downer" simply because you need time to recharge. And if your friends make you feel that way then they probably weren't the right ones to begin with.
If you're living with other people, perhaps try to carve out a few hours each week to cook together, bake together or watch a movie together in the living room. But you need to be firm about the periods in which you want to be left in peace. If there's a good balance between the two, your housemates won't assume you're never in the mood to hang out.
You should perhaps try to meet up with friends more regularly (or as regularly as you feel comfortable with). You should be honest about when you want to go home so that your friends are aware of your limits, but are also aware that you do want to spend time with them.
If meeting up in bigger groups makes you uneasy, try meeting up in smaller groups or one on one with a supportive pal.
And if hanging out with people doesn't feel like an option to you, at least in the short term, then why not reach out to your friends via message? While messages are often brief, they don't have to be. You can open up to them in a lengthy text - perhaps even let them know that you're struggling with loneliness and hope to meet up with them in the near future.
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Or if you want to put a smile on your friends' faces, you could send them a message out of the blue, telling them how much you appreciate their friendship - even if it doesn't show sometimes.
You could also go out on your own and simply be amongst people without needing to interact with them. Go out shopping or to the cinema, or for lunch (yes, even by yourself). Treat yourself to a day out surrounded by people that perhaps won't make you feel overwhelmed. For many, people-watching is more entertaining than flicking through the channels on the TV - and that might also be the case for you.
Finding a solution to your loneliness is always going to be more difficult during the pandemic than under ordinary circumstances, but, hopefully, you'll find one that works for you.
If your loneliness persists, however, you might want to think about talking to someone at a support service such as the Samaritans (by calling 116 123), your GP, or a counsellor or therapist.
You can find more information on urgent support for mental health here.
